Life and all it’s vagaries

there are some moments in life which are really hard. We visited Grandma Zilla this weekend, and whilst we did have a lovely time there were moments of sadness interspersed.

The weather was gorgeous, warm sunshine to bask in, but coupled with a nice steady breeze to prevent you overheating.

We went to the beach and the kids paddled in the sea whilst I set about damming a small stream that runs into the sea, in that manly father type way that we tend towards.

We then travelled inland a mile or so, traversing the hill and passing all the freshly shorn sheep on the way (some of whom have scant regard for cars, and will amble along the road at a pace to suit themselves, even shouts of “mint sauce” not provoking fear in them!) up to the stone circle*

* this is not in anyway on the same scale as Stonehenge etc, but merely a small collection of limestone rocks that have been put into a small circle with a diameter of about 12 feet.

My daughter likes to think of it as a fairy circle and imagine herself as one, dancing around the circle waving her magic wand.

All pleasant, happy things to do on a bright summer’s day.

Then certain moments can change your outlook completely: Grandma Zilla telling me that I shouldn’t get old, it’s horrible apparently.

I tried pointing out that the alternative to getting old isn’t much of a better choice: death!

She laughed, but she is clearly not a happy soul at the moment, her quality of life post stroke is not what she wants it to be.

I’m hoping it’s just a bad day she was having, but I sense on the phone soemtimes that things are not going great for her. It’s times like this that make living so far away difficult.

Swine Flu and War

the attendant panic surrounding this is now coming closer to home. The first “suspected” case in the office has arrived.

Although to be fair this woman has been panicking for weeks about contracting it. She now thinks she has symptms, but has not yet had it confirmed.

Am I alone in thinking that our country has hyped this dramatically? Nowhere else seems to have tehse front page headlines and media obssessions. I hope hindsight doesn’t prove me wrong on this, but I’m becoming rather indifferent to the news.

Currently the death rate is similar to that of any normal flu strain, yet people seem to be actively seeking out helathy people dying from it.

My approach somewhat reflects my attitude to members of the armed forces dying in Afghanistan. Er, you are fighting a war, there will be casualties as a matter of course. Especially if you’re fighting in a country that hasn’t been conquered in over a hundred years, and that’s despite the best efforts previously of the Russians!

Anyone signing up these days must appreciate that we seem to be in our most belligerent state since the second world war. We keep finding causes to fight, yet then get upset when our troops die? Cause and effect surely?

The link between swine flu and war seems clear to me though. We haven’t had a signifcant global conflict to cull the population numbers for a couple of generations now, so Mother Nature is stepping in to do the job herself.

Recap

Where to start? So much seems to have gone on.

Firstly my mother. She’s doing ok, and on a good day, when she’s not tired, I can understand about 90% of what she’s saying.

When she’s tired, she slurs her words more and is almost unintelligible.

She is up and down with her moods, which is pretty understandable, and in all honesty I don’t think I’d be coping as well as she is.

In another development to an already shit year, my boss died from bowel cancer. It was all pretty sudden, he was diagnosed and died within a three week period. They tried to operate, although it was already deemed terminal, to try and give him some extra time and a better quality of life, However he just wasn’t strong enough to get through the operation. An earlier diagnosis may have given him a better chance.

The suddenness of all this left a huge hole in my life. I’d worked with the guy for 13 years, and he was the father figure in my life, so his loss hit me quite hard on both a personal and work level.

It’s looking like they’re not going to replace him at work, which has meant me taking on a lot of the stuff he used to deal with. I’m always up for a fresh challenge, but this does feel pretty weird still. The extra cash doesn’t seem anywhere near enough either, but that’s not really an issue of importance. I still find myself thinking “wait till Geoff hears about that”, and then I realise that he’s not here anymore.

He was a great man, selfless and always helpful, and I truly hope I can follow in his footsteps with even half the grace and dignity he had. He was a great role model for how to conduct yourself, both professionally and personally, and I learnt  a lot from him.

In better news, the two eldest kids have done really well at school this year, both getting great reports and proving themselves to be very able. Our youngest starts nursery, part time, in September. Where the time has gone I just don’t know.

That’s the main news recapped, the day to day stuff can take over from now….

I may be on the verge

of a return.

It’s been a long time, and a lot has happened, but teh urge to blog is returning….