Crying Over Spilled Semen

now there’s a post title!

 This article makes for interesting reading:

http://psychologytoday.com/articles/pto-20021002-000009.html

 

Although to be fair it’s not exactly ground breaking in it’s revelations:

 

“Gallup’s survey of 293 college women also found that those who did not use condoms were most likely to initiate sex and to seek out new partners as soon as a relationship ended.”

 

So my new tactic with Mrs Zilla should be – go on, it’ll help your mood lift. I’ll report back on any progress….

 

I’m going to be disappearing again for a few days – it’s half term and we’re off to Grandma Zilla’s in the lakes for a few days.

 

Hopefully the weather will be kind to us.

 

A quick round up of recent developments, or non-developments:

 

Godzooky 3 has turned into a jealous monster, he doesn’t like either of the elder children getting more attention than him. Hopefully it’s just a phase.

 

Mrs Zilla has still not come good on her pledge of a birthday present for me. I’m not expecting anything significant, which is just as well, as we approach almost 3 weeks after my birthday.

 

Regarding my birthday gifts, I have just experienced a first for me. I was bought a gift voucher for a record store, and have been trying unsuccessfully for the last 3 weeks, to find something to spend it on.

 

I find certain albums, games or films, and think “Maybe…”, but nothing grabs me. Usually I can go into a record shop and blow a large amount of money (my CD collection is testament to that!)

 

Any suggestions or recommendations are therefore welcome, maybe I need to try something completely new?

 

Manners maketh the child

Well the weekend wasn’t the total washout weatherwise, as was forecast. It rained, but I’ve seen worse, although it was bloomin’ cold.

The weekend was a washout in other ways though. Nothing exciting happened, or even noteworthy. I ended up doing a huge pile or ironing again whilst Mrs Zilla treated herself to a lie in. I’m not quite sure exactly how that works, but there you go.

Yesterday I was glad to get back to work after the Bank Holiday. Until things went horribly wrong again. We’re having major upheavals in the world of public transport, with out city’s tram network undergoing extensive refurbishment.

Coupled with this is the fact that my organisation is taking control of the tram system. This means lots of problems and extra work. Guess who gets to be involved in a major way?

I’m really on a roll at the moment.

On a happier/funnier note I should make reference to Godzooky 2’s speech progress. Regular visitors will perhaps remember we put her forward for speech therapy.

That’s definitely no longer needed! She will not shut up now, and is rapidly becoming the house chatterbox. One extreme to another in the matter of a few weeks.

The title above refers to her newly acquired habit of replying to any request you would care to make:

“Right, time for your nap now”, “No, thanks”

“You’ve watched too much tv, time to put it off”, “No thanks”

She’s also perfecting the “little girl eye roll”. When she gets told off, head goes down and she looks up at you with big blue cow eyes. Good job I’ve got steely determination (at least sometimes) 

End of the World

happened today, office wise I mean.

 Getting into work early, as usual, there were no working phones and our whole computer network was down.

It soon became apparent how much we rely on computers for everything. In our old building we had a lot more paper files, so you could at least reference things.

Now we have next to no filing space it’s all stored on the network. Great in terms of lack of crap surrounding you, nightmare when you can’t access the network!

It came back on around lunchtime, by which time I’d done everything I could without a pc. I now have a spotless desk as well!

Bank holiday means another long weekend, although the forecast is for a complete wash-out, so I may just be recharging my batteries.  

Clarification

Reading yesterday’s post again I feel I may have not expressed myself very well.

I don’t regard myself as a natural stand-in for the elephant man or anything, but I know that I’m no Brad Pitt either.

There are women who find me attractive. I’m not a virgin, and I’ve never had to pay them either!

There seems to be a small, alright, very small percentage of women who do find me attractive, even before they get to know me. (This is all very much tongue in cheek btw) I’m not on the market, so attractiveness doesn’t even come into it for me.

What struck me about the programme I watched was that everyone seems to focus on their own self-perceived flaws. Flaws that nobody else sees, yet they think are their worst points.

I can’t say I ever look in the mirror and think I’m God’s gift, but I, and we all, should start being more positive is what I’m trying to say, I guess. 

Not just being positive about appearance either, we all have experience and knowledge that makes us unique and worthy.

I’m not sure that this post makes any more sense upon re-reading it….

How to look good naked

Don’t worry, there is no risk of anything too naughty coming up. Oo-er. 

I watched an interesting tv programme last night: How To Look Good Naked.

Aimed at women, the idea was that they take a woman with poor self image and show her how she can increase her confidence.

This isn’t done by surgery, just by judicious use of clothes, makeup and a demonstration that bits they thought were horrible are just the same as other people.

The stylist involved made the woman look at herself closely and analyse what she didn’t like. Then he set about changing her outlook, along with a new haircut and wardrobe, all designed to flatter her features.

It ended with a naked photo shoot, although material was carefully draped, and a catwalk show in front of thousands in just her underwear.

It showed me just how flawed most women think they are, yet I can find something attractive about most women. That doesn’t mean that I want to ravish all women, just that I can appreciate their features.

It also made me realise that I should have a better opinion of myself. I may not be the most blessed in terms of looks, but I have some redeeming qualities, and I should focus on these more.

The programme made me realise that we should all focus on our good points, because they far outweigh our flaws.

Back from the depths

Well it feels a lot longer than a week since I last blogged.

I have missed the visits to other blogs, but I certainly haven’t missed work.

Work has clearly missed me: the number of emails, phone messages and piles of paper on my desk are testament to that!

The time off has been a mixture of great times and less gratifying.

Mrs Zilla seems to regard my holiday i.e. me being round the house, as a holiday for her. A large part of my time was spent sorting out laundry and ironing.

But, on to happier things. Godzooky 2’s birthday was enjoyable. After dropping our eldest at school we took her and Godzooky 3 to the jungle gym.

They were both keen to run around and have fun. It was exhausting but lovely to see them having such a good time.

The two hours we were there flew by, and by the end they were shattered, and I was too!

They certainly enjoyed their afternoon nap!

After picking up Godzooky 1 from school, it was round to Grandma’s for a small family get together.

Lots of presents were received as usual, with clothes being particularly popular.

I’m not feeling back in the swing of this blogging lark, so I may just end here with a dodgy picture taken on her birthday with my camera phone*

* being the excuse for poor picture quality and the dire state of my appearance!

Stag!

Finally I get a chance to write a decent length post. Work is normally hectic around the 15^th of the month, but this time it’s been unbelievable. 

Any hoo – the stag do. 

I arrived at my brother-in-law’s house promptly at 1pm on Saturday, the pre-arranged time and venue. Only my brothers –in-law were there. Not a good start. 

The other “staggers” turned up one by one. Three women and one more bloke. Yes, that’s right, there were women on a stag party! 

They were women who he has worked with in the past. They seemed like good fun, so I wasn’t quick to judge them. The groom had no idea what was about to unfold, until one of the new-comers revealed that she was looking forward to the quad biking! Oops, the cat was out of the bag. 

I drove one car and the Best Man brother-in-law drove another. It was only a 30 minute drive to the Country Hall where we were going to: Catton Hall  

The car journey there was a chance to get to know my fellow staggers better. Most of them had known my brother-in-law since he had moved to Birmingham to live with his fiancée, some 7 years ago now. 

Endeavouring to find out more about them I asked who the big drinkers were. Two replied that they were teetotal! We had a laugh though and they seemed keen to try out the activities so things still boded well. On the way there the heavens began to open and rain poured down. Things were going to get muddy! 

We arrived in plenty of time and got a glimpse of the quad bike racing as we drove up to the main car park. It didn’t look too fast. 

Once we were booked in, and had signed to say that we couldn’t sue if anything went tragically wrong we were issued our camouflage overalls. Clearly one size didn’t fit all, as the groom’s beer belly poked out, and the legs of mine were nowhere near long enough, provoking laughs all round. 

Me, (left) and the groom to be 

We made our way to the quad bike area, with the women worried about their hair getting wet or messed up. I wondered what they were going to make of the crash helmets they would have to wear?! 

A quick lesson on the way to ride the quads, several stern warnings to take it easy  and we were ready to start. The organiser sent the women out first and they were hesitant to say the least. One of them really got into it though and she was soon lapping the others.

Then it was the men’s turn and the competitive streaks in people began to show through. Challenges were laid down and taunts issued. 

I can honestly say though it was tremendous fun. The mud made it more exciting and less predictable. Just as I was getting into it, and starting to get more gung-ho going into the corners the organiser called us in, and it was the women’s turn again. 

On the second go I had I threw caution to the wind. I’d sussed that it was pretty much impossible to turn the quads over, and there was very little to crash into. So this time I just buried the throttle and tried to take all the corners at full speed. Once or twice I thought I was in trouble, but a quick wrench on the handlebars sorted it all out. It was a real adrenalin rush, and I’d love to do it again sometime. 

After the quads came the archery. Not quite as thrill packed, but still enjoyable. After a couple of attempts my technique improved. Not enough to warrant a new career, but I was pleased to get the one “gold” that I did. 

All too soon it was time to leave and drive back to Manchester. A quick change and a pleasant meal in a local restaurant recharged us and we were off to a comedy club. The acts were great and very funny – any funny stuff I post soon will have been nicked from that night. I almost wish I hadn’t drunk as much, so I could remember more of the jokes. 

The only problems started after the comedy finished. The Best Man hadn’t arranged a list of bars to attend, he was planning on going to a lap dancing bar, which soon got vetoed by the women. We tried to get into the Sky Bar  a bar on the 23^rd floor of  a new hotel block . However it was late, and hotel guests were getting priority. 

The Best Man then decided that he could blag his way into Panacea (a poncey over-hyped club), so we traipsed all the way down there. The door staff were having none of it though, so we had to resort to a simple local bar, until this was deemed unfit by the Best Man. 

We ended up in a members only club, and my dislike of such establishments was hastily confirmed. It was full of men all talking about how much they earned and what car they drove, all in a desperate attempt to impress the surrounding women.

Yawn. 

Having said that, I kept my views to myself and stuck it out. I didn’t want to be the one to spoil anything. So I was there till the bitter end. I got home around 4.30am, and of course the children were up at 6.45am, so I didn’t get much sleep! 

Thankfully I don’t suffer from hangovers, but sleep deprivation is a different matter!

Now there’s just the small matter of the wedding in June…..

That’s it for this week, as I’m taking time off to celebrate my daughter’s 3rd birthday. This will be my first real break since Christmas, and I am REALLY looking forward to it.

Short and not sweet

another brief post unfortunately, as things have gone horribly awry at work.

My birthday was what I expected: nothing special. But then, I think they’re really for kids anyway.

Godzooky 1 did offer me his second favourite bouncy ball, so he was thinking of me!

No special meal, so in the end I stumped up for a takeaway, to mark the occasion.

I am looking forwrad to Godzooky 2’s birthday on Thursday though. I’m planning to give her a really special day and make her the focus throughout.

Apparently

I should be hung up on my age. This is according to everyone around me.

I’ve never really bothered about getting older, it’s just a number. Often I have to do a quick mental check before I give my age out. It’s just not something that bothers me.

Should it? Am I being abnormal in just getting on with things, rather than thinking, OMG I’m getting close to 40?

That’s it for today: busy, busy, busy.

Details of any birthday events and those from the stag do will follow….

This and that

Last night we attended the induction meeting for the nursery Godzooky 2 will start in September. It’s attached to the school Godzooky 1 attends, so she’ll be following in his footsteps.

Whilst it was informative and interesting: telling us how they’re revamping the school curriculum, it was a bit long at 90 minutes. Thankfully we had left our kids at the in-laws, other people hadn’t done likewise though 😦

Some interesting news this week: research at Edinburgh University has revealed that people who average two orgasms a week can look up to 10 years younger than those who don’t. Do you need any more of a reason?

On the same base tack my latest ploy doesn’t seem to have worked. Working on the same principal as my mother did with food: “Eat it all up, there are children in Africa who would gladly have it!”, I decided to try a similar approach.

With my “morning glory” I told Mrs Zilla that she should make good use of it, “Because there are lots of women in the world whose partners have erectile dysfunction, who would gladly have it!”

This line of argument wasn’t received in the way I hoped, and she merely advised me to find one of these poor unfortunates who would like to avail themselves of it. So if there are any needy cases out there I have the equipment and the permission!

This may be an opportune moment for me to be attending a stag do then. Except both my brothers-in-law will be there, so maybe not.

The plan is for quad biking and archery tomorrow afternoon, so I shall be donning my finest Sherwood Green and challenging the Sheriff of Nottingham verily.

This doesn’t sound like the typical stag do to me. The evening plans are for a  meal at a fine fish restaurant and some select members only bars. Not the sort of last fling type of night I was expecting. Which reminds me again that I should post about my stag do next week, once I have recounted tomorrow’s adventures.

Oh, yes it’s my birthday on Monday, although it doesn’t seem to have much significance in my household yet. Ah well, it’s only another day isn’t it?

Feel free to leave birthday kisses and wishes….