Long weekend

off – to use up remaining holidays.

tagged onto it will be the funeral on Tuesday, so no posts for a while.

A day in the Lakes should be a welcome distraction though, and the weather forecast even looks reasonable!

Still in limbo

re coroner – who was in court all day yesterday.

Children can be damn nasty can’t they?

One of Godzooky 1’s “friends” told him that people who are cremated go to hell. Ignorant or malicious? I’m not sure, but it certainly upset him.

A few facts set him straight, but he’d been very upset at school. Why do kids believe that their friends know everything? As I put it to him: If they’re so clever then why do they need a teacher in class?

I don’t want to dwell

on things, but there seems to be little respite.

No death certificate can be issued until the coroner has reviewed the case.

Because my father in law had and endoscopy procedure last August, that counts as an invasive medical procedure. Any such invasive procedure in the six months prior to death means the death is automatically referred to the coroner. He could decide to do nothing, or he could refer it to the coroner’s court .

Until that is decided, no date for the funeral can be set. Hopefully we’ll know more today.

In the meantime we’re going to get away to the Lakes for the weekend. A change of scenery will do us all good, and we can catch up with our friends who have just moved back there. Distractions will be helpful I think….

Sadly

my father-in-law died on Saturday.

We visited him on Thursday night, and he was quite chipper. He deteriorated quickly on Friday and passed away on Saturday evening.

The only saving grace is that it was fairly peaceful and painless.

Mood swings

Another visit to the father-in-law showed how he’s starting to lose his rag about being kept in hospital.

He was less than complimentary about the hospital, and his wife was shushing him, which only added fuel to the fire.

Clearly he’s frustrated and feels out of control. He needs some semblance of self control back in his life. He also needs to find a vent for his frustrations, and being shushed is not going to help that.

British stiff upper lip and reserve were brought into play, and that’s not what this situation requires. I hope a bed becomes available in a hospice soon, I think they’ll be better equipped to deal with his feelings and needs.

Being a parent

certain isn’t easy.

I sat all the godzookies down on Saturday (with a cookie to ensure everyone sat still!) to break the news of their Grandfather’s impending death.

As I expected Godzooky 1 took it hard, he was crying for quite some time. He got me crying too, even though I’d resolved to be strong!Also as I expected, it went over the heads of out two youngest, but I  felt they deserved to hear it from me  rather than by accident elsewhere.

My timing was deliberate, as we were going out to a 50th birthday party on Saturday evening, and I hoped that would prove a good distraction. Which it did, they all “danced” (a very loose term for what they were doing) like lunatics all night, and were shattered when we got home at 11pm.

Thankfully with me driving I hadn’t had a drink all night, and I was wired from the emotion. So when Godzooky 2 fell out of bed at 12.45am I was able to get there quickly.

As I soothed her face I realsied all was not well – there was a rapidly expanding lump on her head. She’s obvoiously caught her head on the bunk bed ladder when she fell out.

By 12.50 am I had her in the car and was heading off to casualty. When I arrived there I was relieved to see no queue and we were seen straight away. She got a clean bill of health and i had her back in bed by 1.25am! Thank goodness for the NHS!

By the morning her bump was almost gone and she was fine – it still amazes me how they bounce back so quickly.

We went to visit Grandad again on Sunday, and I was braced for tears from Godzooky 1, but they didn’t materialise.

Godzooky 3 was the one to get upset, strangely enough. He was asking if I was going to die soon, so he took in more than I thought he had. Some reassuring words soon comforted him, and I’m left waiting to see what the next turn of events will bring.

It looks as though Grandad is going to be released from hospital soon, they’re just waiting for a bed to come available in a hospice….

That Friday feeling

isn’t hitting me today.

I’m facing up to the task of telling Godzooky 1 about his grandad tomorrow, and then dealing with the aftermath of that.

My plan is to tell him tomorrow afternoon, as we’re going to a neighbour’s 50th birthday party tomorrow night, so taht may prove a distraction for him.

Then we’re visiting the hospital on Sunday, so we’ll have  a good chance to see how he’s coping before the return to school on Monday.

I’ve got no real feel for how he’s going to react, I know he’s close to his grandad, but whether he goes into his shell or comes out “blazing” remains to be seen….

Guitar hero

no, not the game, but Godzooky 1!

He’s brought a guitar home from school, as he’s now officially learning it. Apparently, in a less than normal, flush of enthusiasm he was keen to learn how to play it. Normally he shies away from anything like that, so I’m astounded with his new found eagerness.

I’m slightly worried by bothe the potential for a racket in the house, and the possibility of smaller Godzookies damaging the guitar. Still, nothing ventured, nothing gained.

I am slightly jealous of his opportunity: when I was at school teh only real option was to learn the recorder, which frankly is much less cool than the guitar. Perhaps I can persuade him to teach me too, as he goes along…?

Depressing

I apologise for the negative nature of posts currently, but hope the circumstances are understood.

We went to the hospital last night to visit, and it was a most distressing experience. My father in law was crying and basically saying “Goodbye” to the children. He knows he is not lucid all the time and I guess he was trying to do “the right thing” and get his affairs in order, so to speak.

Seeing someone so fragile and despondent is a terrible thing, and the misery is spreading.

His wife is feeling bad because he wants to go home, but she is uncertain that she can cope with the demands of looking after him in his current state. Yet of course, she doesn’t want to see him sent to a residential home either. A difficult choice as to what to do for the best.

I hope that this isn’t a lingering situation, which may sound harsh, but my own father faded away, and my memories are tainted by those final days. He suffered tremendously too, which people really shouldn’t have to do any more, there should be more dignity in death.

I’m going to try for a more upbeat post tomorrow…

Cliched, but true

all this illness surrounding our families is certainly making me realsie that I need to make the most of my time.

I’m trying to be less cynical and more open to doing different things.

This morning I even managed to bite my tongue, before i bit someone’s head off instead.

Perhaps this will be the dawn of a new era for me….