Flash Fiction

After last week’s rather morbid Flash Fiction I’ve gone for a happier tone!

Actually, the way this week has gone, last week’s is more in keeping with my mood, but here you go anyway <places grin on face>

They walked hand in hand along the sand.He’d never felt so comfortable with someone. The sun, setting slowly, cast a warm glow across her face, lighting her features.He looked around.Were they alone? Could he risk it right now? Would his nerve hold?

Dropping to one knee, he pulled out the diamond ring…

 If you want to play, write a fictional story, with 55 words, at least one main character and a plot. Then see Susie and let her know you’ve played.

 

An Apology

I promised yesterday that I would write about an incident that happened that would lower the tone, and said I would post about it today.

Sorry, that’s not going to happen, I’ve got Flash Fiction to write, and it’s actually “Tidy Friday” at work today.

We’re moving buildings in the next few months (it’s being purpose built, although no-one seems to know exactly when it will be ready), so to preapre for the move we’ve got a day where we try and clear out lots of crap.

This is good news – we all get a free breakfast, and a free cake this afternoon, and there’s no real work to be done today.

The real bonus is that everyone has to come dressed casually, and therein lies the fun.

Regular readers will know that I work in Finance (alright I’m an accountant, but I don’t like using the word).

It’s going to be great watching all these stereotypical accountants coming dressed in what they term casual!

I’ve got a bet on that one guy in particular will still come in wearing a suit and tie.

If you cut this guy he would probably bleed grey.

So my day today will involve archiving, recycling stacks of paper and trying to downsize all my essential files into one small cabinet.

In the new building we will all have only one small (waist high) cabinet to use. The paperless office has apparently arrived, but we still have the paper – go figure!

I hereby solemnly promise to post about the incident that happened yesterday, next week. You can hold me to it.

I was

going to post about an incident that happened this morning.

But, given the nature of the event, I don’t want to lower the tone of my blog for two consecutive days!

So I’ll post about that tomorrow 🙂

So instead here are some pictures that reveal our importance in the overall scheme of things.

They make me feel the same way I did when I visited the Grand Canyon….

sorry again for my lack of picture posting skills, if you want to see these in their true glory, please visit :

http://rense.com/general72/size.htm

Should I add this to my Christmas List?

I’ve been a pretty good boy all year, so maybe Santa will listen to my requests this year.

It seems to me that in some areas women are better catered for than men. Putting it in flowery, euphemistic terms, the range of self help tools for ladies to achieve satisfaction, seems almost bewildering.

There’s even a film being released about the pleasures (deliberate pun) of owning a Rampant Rabbit.

It’s socially acceptable in this age for women to discuss openly what products, toothbrushes (Lily) or other gizmos they use.

What about us men?

I saw a really scary programme last week, Guys and Dolls, all about men who have these £4,000 “Real Feel” dolls. Some of them were open about their sexual uses, others were using them as a substitute for real realtionships.

One guy in particular was keen to chain this doll up, display his small arsenal of weapons (by this I mean automatic firearms!)  and talk about how he found it hard to form human relationships. But no-one ruled his life at home even the doll!

Anyway I’m digressing, the following product is coming (another pun) to market soon:

 The bumpf associated with it, makes it sound like the next essential must have. Move over Ipod…

Monkey Spanker the brand new stylish vibrating masturbator for Men!
With sleek uber-cool styling, Monkey Spanker is the first non-dodgy sex toy for men that you won’t get dumped for owning. Monkey Spanker is the perfect complement for your adult video collection and loads of fun if your partner gets in on the action. If you haven’t got a partner Monkey Spanking is an excellent way to waste away the hours until you do!

 I may have the answer ready now, when my Mother In Law asks what I’d like for Christmas…..

NB – For some reason I can’t get the full size thing to post on WordPress – so the original is on my old Blogger site!

Phew

I wasn’t happy with the moaning nature of that previous post – we all have our crosses to bear, and really putting things in perspective I don’t have it that bad.

Anyway I have just received good news in the form of an email from an old friend.

As an aside isn’t it great how in this day and age an email received midday can totally brighten your outlook? In the past you would have to wait till you got home to get good news via snail mail.

My old friend, of some 20 odd years has just told me that he is visiting the Lakes soon with his family. I haven’t seen his first born in the flesh yet, so this will provide an ideal opportunity for us all to get together.

He’s also told me that they’re expecting their second child in the spring. Totally unexpected good news can turn your day right round!

The humdrum

Life seems to have found that even keel of monotony again.

The usual routine seems to be in place, and there’s little shaking it up.

Work is into a mid year routine, but there seems to be a potential disciplinary problem coming up.

I should put this in some sort of context.

Where I work nobody, and I mean nobody, ever seems to get into trouble. People are shuffled around if they don’t fit in their current place.

Of course, there isn’t ever a real examination of whether they’ll be any better in their new position. That would be common sense.

I have such a person in my team at the moment.

They won’t deny that they’re out of their depth, no matter how often they’re pulled up about something they’ve done.

It means that I’m constantly having to check and recheck what they’ve done. I’m spending more time with this one person than with the rest of the team combined.

Yet still we are not hitting deadlines. Something’s got to give.

I don’t like to see anyone get into trouble, especially one who’s been there already. But it seems like the only way forward is to make an issue of the situation.

The only saving grace is that this person isn’t particularly nice, and their attitude seems to be that they’re untouchable now – they seem to think that other more able team members should be taking up their slack.

On the 92nd Day of….

A trip to the shops over the weekend has reminded me that Christmas is around the corner.

OK, there’s 3 whole months to go, but already the pressure is on to start preparing, according to retailers anyway.

In the spirit of lightening my blog, I thought I’d try this out:

You Are a Self Help Book!

While your advice is not always welcome…It’s always right on target.

What Crappy Christmas Gift Are You?

 

Does this make me an unwelcome smart arse at Christmas?

Flash Fiction Redux

I don’t often feel the need to write again about a post, but I want to put my Flash Fiction into some context.

 

I didn’t give it much of a preamble or explanation, as I felt it would be more effective that way, and clearly I was right!

 

There has been quite a bit of publicity over here about anorexia and the role that the media and clothes designers have to play in it all.

 

The Madrid fashion show refused to allow models below a healthy Body Mass Index take part. A move quickly rejected by the London fashion show.

 

Last week I read an interview with a teenage anorexia sufferer, and it really made me think.

 

It seems so bizarre that she viewed herself as powerful, because she was starving herself and defying nature.

 

She genuinely thought that she was more desirable, looking emaciated.

I wanted to get across the impact that article had on me, and I guess I achieved it.

Friday Flash Fiction 55

Her’s my latest attempt, it’s not particularly cheery, but I was inspired by something I read this week.

As usual the rules are:

Write a fictional story in 55 words with at leats one main character and a plot.

See Susie and let her know you’re playing.

Inner Beauty:

That’s the way you’re built my father said, but I can change.

I have moved to a higher plateau, I have control and discipline.

I’m free and feeling powerful.

Power produces desire, the weak have none.

Those that cannot see it are truly blind, or will not see it…

and they call anorexia a disease

                                     

Exercise Motivation

I have found possibly the best piece of exercise equipment ever:

But what is this device for I can hear you mentally ask yourselves. I know some of you actually said that out loud.

It could well be the answer to the modern plague of obesity.

There are one or two drawbacks to this equipment.

It doesn’t work unless you have a willing co-exerciser, taht is pretty much a given unfortunately.

How this would work solo I’m not sure.

So tell us more I hear you say, well, I think the manufacturers have done far better in preparing diagrams and designing exercises than I ever could, so the following pictures demonstrate it’s many potential uses:

BLISS BOX.  
Give her the full treatment. A rock-hard   shaft and a pair of loving hands at the same time render a   potent, soothing climax. Position next to a bed or other firm   support for his comfort.

 

FLEXER.
Nothing beats a slow, sensual flexing.  One of the  easiest, most pleasant position that can give you The  Gravitizer.  Alternate with the Trot, or reverse directions for  more intimacy –  the Flexer can be done facing either way. Always  place legs  through The Gravitizer as shown to prevent tipping.

 

 HAMMER.
Extra control for her, with an exotic  clamping  action on the upstroke. Have her grip the sides and  pull down for  greater penetration. You can use towels and  pillows for more  comfortable ride.

SHAFTER.
Extra control and authority for a  position that  demands a strong performance. Have him go  “hands-only” for a more  athletic position – just curl legs 

 TROT.
The classic Gravitizer position that  satisfies every  time. The convex saddle shape gently compresses  her anatomy into a  velvet vice – a unique sensation no other toy  can give – rendering  extra stimulation and pleasure for both  partners. Alternate with  Flexing for a ride that’s got energy  and nuance

I do feel that this piece of equipment is something that I could actively encourage Mrs Zilla to use on a regular basis!